This week is my last week in my 30s. There are all these sayings around what life is like in different decade milestones. When I turned 30 I had I list of things I wanted to have done by the time I was 30. Skydive, run a marathon, attain my motorbike license, travel extensively, the list goes on. I will say that I did do all of those things. And so many more while I was in my 30s. I travelled to all 7 continents, ran ultra marathons, married Eliot and had two beautiful children. Turning the corner into my 40s I have a very different view, there is no list that says do this by then, it is all about being. Who and how I want to be.
A lot has happened in the last month. Our living arrangements changed with Carley leaving us to travel the world. We all miss her and it resulted in a big change to our day-to-day, particularly for Eliot. She backed him up with the kids a lot. On a more personal note, I completed my F45 challenge and ran 100km in the Surf Coast Century. Both of these goals were my personal goals but they had big impacts on the family from a time commitment and general support perspective in addition to the general mood affects they have. Achieving a goal can feel great but it can also come with a roller coaster of emotions. Arrival fallacy is a thing and something I intend to write about further. However the biggest event for us is that we booked our one way tickets to move our family from Australia to USA.
We have been planning this move since Eliot and I went on a holiday to New Zealand before marriage and kids. We’ve had a number of set backs but we are both now ready for the change. Eliot has been ready for a long time but for me I still had things I wanted to do in Australia. Now I am also craving the change.
Wanting change and an adventure like we are about to undertake is scary. We don’t have jobs. We don’t have a home. I don’t even have a visa to enable me to work at this stage. All these things are anxiety and panic inducing on top of all the stress of planning an international move. Eliot and I have both been having “moments” of doubt and anxiety and it is definitely something we are aware of and doing our best to manage. We are:
- Talking about all our fears and anxiety inducing scenarios – with each other all the time, not just when it is convenient
- These include 15hr flights with the kids, not having enough savings to survive until we find jobs, not being able to find accommodation, not being able to sort everything out before we go
- Maintaining consistency where we can but drop the extra curriculars to remove added pressure and give us some time back together
- Drop Improv classes and pottery classes but maintain exercise routines
- Visualising where we want to be
- Crested Butte, CO is going to be our new home and it is stunning but more than that is the community we want to be a part of
- Breathing – including prioritising time for meditation
- Asking for help – it is OK to ask for help. We can’t do it all on our own.
- I’m going to access our Employee Assistance Program to help me work through the anxiety which has resulted in some mild insomnia and panic
So whilst many people say ‘Life begins at 40’, I disagree in general. Life begins the day you are born and goes for the rest of you life until you die. Some days are exciting and some are more mundane. We are about to embark on a very exciting time for our family that just happens to coincide with my 40th birthday. And I intend to focus on being the person I want to be.